Cream sweater: Old, Love this long sleeve one and this cardigan is also fun // Red midi skirt: Sold out, Love this similar one and this tie waist skirt // Nude wedges: CL by Laundry, Love this cork wedge too or this one with a lower heel // Neck scarf: Old, Love this red one with polka dots and this similar paisley scarf // Coach purse: Newer version of my bag // Plain rose gold bangle: Kate Spade // Pave rose gold bracelet: Kate Spade // Pearl studs: Bloomingdales, This is a great budget friendly pair // Lipcolor: Fresh Sugar lip treatment in 'Tulip'
Wouldn't it be nice if there were giant neon signs in life to tell you that you've made a wrong turn, that you're moving in the right direction or that you need to take a break? We all know that's not happening, but it's a nice thought right? Recently, I've found myself searching for one of those life signs. The closest thing I've found to that is God bringing the same topic to mind again and again. The topic has been my comfort zone and the idea of vulnerability.
When I was working on launching my new website, doubts often crossed my mind. What if it doesn't work? What if everyone hates it? But at the end of the day, I didn't feel like the old one was "Jenna" enough, so I knew I had to make the change. Then I read a post written by my friend about the difference between transparency and vulnerability and I questioned whether I was hiding behind my blog. And the answer is probably yes.
The comparison game is something I struggle with daily. There are days that I just can't always believe that being me is enough. It's easy to use a blog to create a picture of what you wish your life was like or what you think people want to see, but it's exhausting. Little by little I feel like I am getting more comfortable with my modernly classic style and letting go of the fact that that means it's not always what's the "latest and greatest".
I hate getting asked "do you make money on your blog?", "how do you make money?" and I especially hate getting asked how many followers I have. For me, it's a reminder that I'm not where I want to be and how slow and painful the growth process can be. Yes, I hope that one day I get to create pretty cocktails and just travel for months on end for the blog, but that's not where I am right now. I'm still struggling to find my voice on the blog. I've never been a super open person so it's been hard to figure out how to really let myself be vulnerable and not be afraid of the fact that I'm not like other bloggers.
I'll admit that outside validation is so encouraging, especially when it feels like everyone but me is skyrocketing to success. I know that it's not easy for them and that they work hard, but what's been most frustrating for me is all the obstacles that keep coming even in the midst of that tiny bit of encouragement. And honestly, some days it's hard to keep pushing through, but that's all you can do. I'm not quite sure how this topic helps me be sure that this blog is what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm sure that with time God will present another sign. Thank you for reading (if you made it this far) and for bearing with me as I continue the journey of self discovery.
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